I haven't blogged because.....

I fail at blogging. It's the truth! I wish I was better at it. Posting pictures, chatting to no one in particular about my day, what I'm cooking or knitting, what I'm reading, my mood even, it would be so lovely! Unfortunately my camera has been sleeping or rather hibernating, on the shelf in our closet. I look up at him and wish I had the inspiration to shoot away and give him the joy he's been longing for, but it just doesn't happen. Between work and being sick, my knitting mishaps and confusion about when our lease is up, it's just been too much to bother blogging about. (Though I'm sure it would have helped to get it all out there!) Life has just gotten in the way. I haven't even made any goals for 2010, and this is supposed to be a big year! So here goes my attempt to revive this little blog...AGAIN!

Frank and I now have braces. We went in for a consultation, our first one ever, on January 19th. We ended up loving the people and how they worked with us and walked out with shiny smiles that day. Via twitter I kept track of my first days and have updated on the goings on if something worth saying happens. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I only swallowed 1 or the 2 "bumpers" that had been put in and came off my teeth. I call that success. I have learned that flossing is not fun but definitely necessary since anything that can get stuck between your teeth will, especially rice which I happen to eat at a minimum of twice a week. Broccoli isn't as bad when it comes to getting stuck, but I have to steam it into mush before consumption which is unfortunate. Normally when you bite your cheek and get that little sore it's awful and makes you want to swear off salt and tomato sauce. When you have braces, there's always something rubbing or poking your cheeks, so you just get used to it and move on. One more pain that has been overcome.

I have been reading "The Shack". It's great. I want to read it all the time but when I pick it up, I can't put it down...Next thing I know it's 1:30am. I am a little more than half way through so I suppose I need to just finish it. Definitely making me think and opening my heart again to my spiritual side. I'm still not set on anything religious but it's good to explore.

The last thing I have to share is that I have been trying desperately to finish my "6 Hour Afghan" and have had to re-start three times. I have already invested about 2 1/2 hours. Let me just give you the details....size 50 needles (if you haven't seen or heard of them, picture knitting with broomsticks that have a pointed tip), 4 balls of yarn going at once, knit one side, purl the other. You'd think the simple knitting & purling would be simple enough but apparently with the broom sticks and 4 balls of yarn going I managed to mess it all up. The only thing I can say is it has been knitting up to be beautiful. The colors are perfect together, not too stark of a contrast and will look beautiful in our room. (I promise pictures when I begin this again.)

So that's basically what has been happening. A few new things, here and there but I'll leave them for another time. If you've used size 50's and had problems or success, I'd love to hear about it.

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Picture Poor

I'm just terrible! I can't seem to ever take pictures. And worse, the pictures I do take I never upload. I must get better at this.

Weekend was okay, not much rest so I need some now and I bought more yarn. Yikes! Thankfully I have an idea of what I'm going to do with each of my new purchases so it's not too bad. I also already had room for everything in my storage bins. My goal is to take pictures of these bins. I will be to prove that I'm not as obsessed with yarn as I sound. Luckily, I have lots of motivation to start the projects I wanted to accomplish as new yarn always makes me want to knit up a storm. I'm a little worried that Knit One, Save One hasn't been announced yet. I've only completed 1 hat but I still really want to donate six this year and it's the perfect program to do so.

That's all the updating I have for now. Lot's of things on the to-do list, so little time!

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An "Aha!" Moment and a Bit of Sadness

So this morning didn't start out well. Frank left early for work which always stinks. Then my lovely devil of a cat Sophie decided she would cry from just before six, on. Finally I got up, fed her, pulled the mini blinds down to eliminate light and got back in bed. It was 6:30 and I really didn't want to get up. I decided that if I couldn't go back to sleep I'd get up and start my day, if I could sleep, I'd sleep in (till 7:15). I was able to sleep...but only until Sophie finished eating. She hopped up on the bed and cried, no actual reason why, she just did. Then she jumped down, went to the window and started to hit the blinds. See hitting the blinds is her way of saying, "Pull them up, please, so I can see outside." Only thing is today was with a please but a RIGHT NOW! and she continued to do it until I got up and out of bed to open them. Why the cat wants to look out the window escapes me. From her point-of view- out our bedroom window all the can see is our apartment patio which has a bike in front of our window and the recycle cans. No plants, no birds, nothing! But alas, I am a mere mortal and Sophie is of course not mortal or very very powerful. So powerful that she sees through all of this or has a great imagination! Either way, she loves to look out of the window. [What confuses me most is that the living room window she looks out of does have a view of trees and brushes, occasionally frogs and birds. So why is the recycle bin and no plants just as great of a view? It must be my lack of super powers.] But I digress, so Sophie is now content in the window, but I forgot to mention one annoying detail...my upstairs neighbor! See I like them, I honestly do, I don't see them often, but when I have they are nice and easy to talk too. My problem is that the lady decides to walk in heels, on their bathroom floor pretty much every morning and I'm sure she puts them on once she wakes up. She also does it in their kitchen, both of these are pretty much right above my room. Normally I tune it out, but it's hard to do when you're trying to sleep.

So now I must get up and get ready since I can't sleep. Of course getting ready is fairly easy but then when I'm about to leave the apartment something else happens. It kinda of silly to mention here but for the sake of the story lets just say I noticed something and it contributed to my morning not going well. I was on the phone with Frank when I noticed it and so I told him about it. It was overheard and had to be discussed, and the beat goes on.....

Sometimes I want to read my horoscope before I start my day, but there are times when I feel as though I should live out my day however it goes. Today is not one of the later.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009: It may feel as if others are talking behind your back, but your own tendency to keep secrets could be fueling your fantasies. Whether or not there is any gossip about you now really isn't the issue, for you cannot control what anyone else says. But your reaction to the current situation does have an immediate impact, so it's advisable to keep your side of all communications clear. Respond to what you truly know and not what you only imagine.

You see it don't you? The part where it basically says keep your big fat mouth shut, and if you don't only say things that are true and don't assume! Well luckily, I didn't assume. Well at least not in the things I said, luckily I didn't say anything that wasn't true and I handled the whole situation after with honesty and politeness. It's all anyone can ask right? So no need to stress on it further, I refuse to carry ill will since it only hurts me. Anyhow, that was my silly messed up morning. At least I didn't spill coffee on my white shirt on blow past a CHP doing 75 right?

Now for the sad news. To be completely honest, I think about my dads side of the family every once-in-awhile. It hard to think about them because the way things were left with them after my dad passed away was not too good. I'm 100% positive they dislike me. They don't have a reason too, they just do. They say mean things about me which I have both heard with my own ears and has also been confirmed recently. Well any who I've re-connected with my big brother (dad's 1st born) who, even though they were not nice to him, still keep in contact with my dad's side. Bad news is that he had to be the one to tell me that my uncle has passed away, in August. He was late in delivering the news, he had just found out today and called as soon as he did.

I'm sad. I haven't seen this uncle in almost 4 years, but I'm sad. I haven't spoken to this uncle in almost 4 years, but I'm sad. I have no idea where they live or what they are doing but I am so sad. It hurts to think that there are people that I am related to that think badly of me (and for no reason) and to think that I don't have a family connection with them. I'd really like to, but how can you when they are mean and hurtful? How can you when you are pretty sure they have lied to you to keep you out of your little brothers (dad's 3rd and final) life? I don't wallow in self pity much but I have to say, broken families really suck. I am so grateful for the family I do have in my life but it really hurts not to have more when you have more family, but they aren't your family in the real sense of the word. It's only a blood tie. I suppose this is just the way things are, it's too bad though. I'm just really not sure how to feel about it all. I'll just let thing settle into me and let them pour out how they will.

Sorry for the downer post. Hopefully I can be more active with this blog and make it better to read. Pictures would help, huh? Hope everyone reading this is well. I hope to post shortly about my finished and in progress knitting projects.

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No Knitting, But A Fuzzy!

I had really hoped to knit this weekend, but that didn't work out. I'm not quite sure why I didn't, maybe it was that I had never seen Troy and Frank wanted to watch it Saturday. It could have been that I rested all day Saturday to just catch up on what my body has been missing, sleep. Whatever the case, I didn't knit. Unfortunately, that means I'm that much more behind on my goals. I'm going to be looking over my goals and deciding which will actually be accomplished this year and then make a schedule to hold me to it. It sounds like work when things are supposed to be for pleasure and fun, but honestly being the way that I am, it just makes it that much more fun.

I recently (over a month ago, oops) discovered the nifty "stash" and "needle" features on Ravelry. If you don't know about them already, they let you keep track of your yarn stash and needles that you already have! You can keep it simple with just the brand names, types, & color of yarn along with the quanity, or you can add a picture, keep track of when and where it was purchased, even where you have it stored! I went through my entire stash and was surprised at how efficient the feature makes everything. Additionally, when you que or cast on a project, you can link the yarn your using. So helpful, no? I just love it!

Since there was no knitting this weekend, my Sunday had to be filled with something other than sleeping. Frank & I joined my mom up in the foothills/mountains at a friends house and had dinner. We also watched a monvie after a walk around the property. Oh how I love it up there! I wish I had taken more pictures, but alas I didn't. Hopefully when things aren't so dry I will take more and capture the true beauty that is up there. Here in the city there is always noise. In the middle of the day up in Squaw Valley? Nothing but the sounds of a gentle breeze in the trees. Magic! Frank & I will definitely be going again and hopefully get some property somewhere up there or in a similar atmosphere in the future.

Now is the time to share the pictures that I did get! We found a tarancula! I took soo many pictures of it while everyone else stood back and cringed. I just love bugs and spiders and animals! Lol.






And I leave you with a picture from our drive home, while the sun was setting.

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I think I might burst

You know those times when so much has gone in the opposite direction of where it was headed and the things you wanted most to be positive aren't? And do you know when it piles up on you to the point where you are going to burst in a million directions or collapse and hold up the white flag? I just might be there.

After surviving 3 roommates being sick and becoming well, I have fallen ill. I am on day 5 of I-have-no-idea-what-I-have-since-the-doctor-didn't-tell-me-but-gave-me-antibiotics-for. It's not fun. 3 days of temperatures over 100 (with maybe 1 more day to add since I have the hot/cold chills plus a fun headache), a cough that won't quit and this cold breathe feeling EVERY TIME I INHALE. But enough feeling bad for myself cold wise, except to say that I can't knit for fear that my germs will infect my fibers and spread.

I really wish I was in Disneyland. Disneyland during Christmas. With all the lights and ornaments, songs of cheer and the castle glistening. I'm not kidding when I say that my heart longs for it. It brings me instant happiness and a sense that things will turn out alright.

I love to be positive. I enjoy smiling. Having the feeling that you're so blessed & so happy is truly amazing. Times like this when uncertainty is lurking and negativity is written on my mind I can help but want to escape. I can be one of those people who thrives on the negative. For every positive thing they find a negative to obsess over. It's just not me. For me, the only way I can make the ones I love smile is by keeping a smile on my face. It's so hard when you fear what will happen next.

So now that I've been all over the place with my blog post, I say goodbye. I leave you with a photo of my happiness.




Image courtesy of godscomic

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Oh my.

I promised to update once I got moved in & that was 3 months ago! I can honestly say I have been suuuper busy. Frank' sister had her baby, sweetest boy in the whole world! I have, just yesterday, finished the text portion of my insurance training. I have studying & video watching left to do. Hopefully I can take the test soon & get my license. I'm feeling a bit beat up after trying to get through all of the required courses so I need the reward.

Besides a nephew, we have a new addition to our family. A sweet kitty who was a stray. She was taken to the local animal shelter where she was mommy to some kitties that had none. She is black with a white chest, white smudge on her nose, white toes on her front paws & white "boots" on her back feet. She also has these golden green eyes that are huge! She has a big nose & defined face, unlike most cats I've been around. She'll need to plump up a bit, she's far too skinny for her fluffy fur self. I will admit I was worried about how she'd do in her new surroundings. So much so I would wake up & check on her. The shelter named her Samantha, she is not a Samantha & it's such a long name. We though about Minnie, but she definitely isn't. I believe currently we are throwing around Scarlett as in Scarlett O'Hara. I think it's wonderful but I don't think Frank is sold on it. I will post pictures soon, didn't want to bombard her with the flash on her first night home.

Hopefully my next blog will be within the next few day & full of pictures of the things I've been up to. I will also revisit my 2009 goal list & see how far I've come (or haven't...).


xoAsh

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moving....

I'm moving in 11 days! I have been a terrible blogger & I'd really like to apologize. Soon I will update on everything I've been reading, doing & learing.

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Directions

I have had a plan on how I would still be able to pay bills and find a job etc, ever since I found out that we may have to move after Frank gets his Mass Communications degree. The plan...Since I have been working insurance for almost 4 years now, it's about time I get my license. License means more money and in the case of my future, my job options should we need to move. Getting your license isn't cheap. And you are required to have 52 hours of classes prior to taking the exam. 52 hours! 12 hours of that is just ethics! (Too bad there are still snakes out there....) You see I am on the retail (selling) side of insurance. What you would call your broker. (Except I don't sell since I don't have a license.) I market accounts. Anywho, with a license I could sell insurance, take a position similar to what I'm currently doing or I could be on the insurance company side as an underwriter, underwriting assistant, or marketing person. That's a lot of different things! And the one job that I know is recession proof is insurance. People always need insurance, whether it's for their home, car or business (which is the kind of insurance I handle!).

So whats my point is explaining all this? Well today, when I presented my boss with my idea. His response is not what I wanted, nor expected. I presented hm with the idea of allowing me to take online courses for my pre-license education and take them at work. This would allow me to be available if things got busy But still be able to complete the course work. If I physically went to the classes they would not have me there for a whole week, which would be a problem. So when my boss said "let me think on it.." I walked back to my desk and tears filled my eyes. I'm trying to be positive but honestly this is my only option. It's the only way to be prepared for a potential move. I am maintaining hope that he will say yes, but I am prepared for the worse. Se my boss answers to a board of directors...and well, they gripe about having to put in money already, how are they going to react when they have to reimburse me for my class but I'm in for a pay raise as well. My boss has already stated that I don't make the money I should be making...and that's without my license. Exhale.

Let's see...Oh! the only reason I have maintained any sort of positivity is because of the new book I'm reading. The Essential Dalai Lama: His important Teachings by Rajiv Mehrotra. I tell you it is amazing. I am not Buddhist. nor do I believe that in the future I will be. However, this book brings out my feelings, in the sense that...this is already how I think and feel. This book wants me to expand those thoughts and feeling and put them to action. And i want to put them to action. Religious or not, this book is definitely worth a read. It puts into perspective the way we are as humans and Americans. The thing I like most about it is that it does point out that we are all humans. The Dalai lama is human. He has had natural feelings such as anger, but he knows how to dispel them, manage them, prevent them. I'm about to start my fifth chapter and if I hadn't been so tired last night I would have read so much more. If you're looking for reading material, check it out!

Not much is going on, on the crafting front. I knit here and there, but the truth is with Franks schedule how it is and trying to fit in as much time together as possible, I just haven't had the time. It doesn't bother me though, it's almost spring anyways and the scarf i was working on is more of a winter scarf. A cold all day scarf. Well this post is running a bit long and I feel like I let out a bit of my nervousness about my future. Hope you all are doing well.

****Edited to note that my boss said yes to my training and I am currently working on that. It's going sloww, but it's progress!****

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