An "Aha!" Moment and a Bit of Sadness

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

So this morning didn't start out well. Frank left early for work which always stinks. Then my lovely devil of a cat Sophie decided she would cry from just before six, on. Finally I got up, fed her, pulled the mini blinds down to eliminate light and got back in bed. It was 6:30 and I really didn't want to get up. I decided that if I couldn't go back to sleep I'd get up and start my day, if I could sleep, I'd sleep in (till 7:15). I was able to sleep...but only until Sophie finished eating. She hopped up on the bed and cried, no actual reason why, she just did. Then she jumped down, went to the window and started to hit the blinds. See hitting the blinds is her way of saying, "Pull them up, please, so I can see outside." Only thing is today was with a please but a RIGHT NOW! and she continued to do it until I got up and out of bed to open them. Why the cat wants to look out the window escapes me. From her point-of view- out our bedroom window all the can see is our apartment patio which has a bike in front of our window and the recycle cans. No plants, no birds, nothing! But alas, I am a mere mortal and Sophie is of course not mortal or very very powerful. So powerful that she sees through all of this or has a great imagination! Either way, she loves to look out of the window. [What confuses me most is that the living room window she looks out of does have a view of trees and brushes, occasionally frogs and birds. So why is the recycle bin and no plants just as great of a view? It must be my lack of super powers.] But I digress, so Sophie is now content in the window, but I forgot to mention one annoying upstairs neighbor! See I like them, I honestly do, I don't see them often, but when I have they are nice and easy to talk too. My problem is that the lady decides to walk in heels, on their bathroom floor pretty much every morning and I'm sure she puts them on once she wakes up. She also does it in their kitchen, both of these are pretty much right above my room. Normally I tune it out, but it's hard to do when you're trying to sleep.

So now I must get up and get ready since I can't sleep. Of course getting ready is fairly easy but then when I'm about to leave the apartment something else happens. It kinda of silly to mention here but for the sake of the story lets just say I noticed something and it contributed to my morning not going well. I was on the phone with Frank when I noticed it and so I told him about it. It was overheard and had to be discussed, and the beat goes on.....

Sometimes I want to read my horoscope before I start my day, but there are times when I feel as though I should live out my day however it goes. Today is not one of the later.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009: It may feel as if others are talking behind your back, but your own tendency to keep secrets could be fueling your fantasies. Whether or not there is any gossip about you now really isn't the issue, for you cannot control what anyone else says. But your reaction to the current situation does have an immediate impact, so it's advisable to keep your side of all communications clear. Respond to what you truly know and not what you only imagine.

You see it don't you? The part where it basically says keep your big fat mouth shut, and if you don't only say things that are true and don't assume! Well luckily, I didn't assume. Well at least not in the things I said, luckily I didn't say anything that wasn't true and I handled the whole situation after with honesty and politeness. It's all anyone can ask right? So no need to stress on it further, I refuse to carry ill will since it only hurts me. Anyhow, that was my silly messed up morning. At least I didn't spill coffee on my white shirt on blow past a CHP doing 75 right?

Now for the sad news. To be completely honest, I think about my dads side of the family every once-in-awhile. It hard to think about them because the way things were left with them after my dad passed away was not too good. I'm 100% positive they dislike me. They don't have a reason too, they just do. They say mean things about me which I have both heard with my own ears and has also been confirmed recently. Well any who I've re-connected with my big brother (dad's 1st born) who, even though they were not nice to him, still keep in contact with my dad's side. Bad news is that he had to be the one to tell me that my uncle has passed away, in August. He was late in delivering the news, he had just found out today and called as soon as he did.

I'm sad. I haven't seen this uncle in almost 4 years, but I'm sad. I haven't spoken to this uncle in almost 4 years, but I'm sad. I have no idea where they live or what they are doing but I am so sad. It hurts to think that there are people that I am related to that think badly of me (and for no reason) and to think that I don't have a family connection with them. I'd really like to, but how can you when they are mean and hurtful? How can you when you are pretty sure they have lied to you to keep you out of your little brothers (dad's 3rd and final) life? I don't wallow in self pity much but I have to say, broken families really suck. I am so grateful for the family I do have in my life but it really hurts not to have more when you have more family, but they aren't your family in the real sense of the word. It's only a blood tie. I suppose this is just the way things are, it's too bad though. I'm just really not sure how to feel about it all. I'll just let thing settle into me and let them pour out how they will.

Sorry for the downer post. Hopefully I can be more active with this blog and make it better to read. Pictures would help, huh? Hope everyone reading this is well. I hope to post shortly about my finished and in progress knitting projects.